Same Old Shit

Anthony's stupid clip art from his 2/9 email.

I know it's been quite a while since my last post. And I've got bad news, this might be my last one ever. I'm no longer going to be working for idiots. I have resigned. But I did want to make sure you know that absolutely nothing has changed. Anthony is still a moron living in a fantasy world where he thinks people want to hear his messages of positivity while simultaneously putting up with his condescending assholishness. I guess no one ever explained to him what "actions speak louder than words" means. Maybe someone should make him a chart.

So here are a few messages from the last couple of months. It's not much but it still demonstrates so perfectly how hard these idiots constantly try to convince themselves and everyone else how great everything is.

*************

From: Anthony
Sent: Mon 2/9/2009 2:36 PM
To: All Staff
Subject: With all of our efforts together...

As we move forward, Make sure that you understand both the larger and the smaller picture.
To move further forward

. Propose alternatives!

- Every single person in the structure is contributing to the pulsations of [the agency].

- Every single role has an important impact in our clients' lives.

- Be clear, ask questions!

- Be creative, get involved!

- Be responsible, do your part!

- Be brave, speak up!

- Be proactive, don't wait until the last minute!

- Be constructive, not destructive.

Anthony

-----Original Message-----
From: Anthony
Sent: Thu 2/19/2009 10:36 AM
To: All Staff
Subject: volunteer actors wanted

Hello Staff!

Happy Thursday!

Do you find it exciting, intriguing, appealing, to be in front of a camera?

Do you have hidden acting talents that you want to explore, share, express?

Ok, here's the deal:

We have a video production team (interns), who is working with us in putting together several video products (mostly for promoting [the agency]). One of these videos is a quick project (nothing fancy) to help staff visualize the new process for providing services (what to do with referrals, documentation, filing, etc).

The shooting will happen this Sunday, here at [the agency].

The tentative schedule is 9-4.. we won't be going after 4, but the starting time is still tentative.

For this video, we need three actors. (the characters: one will be a counselor ending service, the other one will be a counselor beginning service, and the third person will be a client).

If you are hourly-paid, we would have to pay you to come in on Sunday, and -as you know- these are tight financial times, so we cannot ask you to come this Sunday.

But if you are NOT hourly-paid (exempt), you are SO welcome to volunteer.

Who said 'I'?

We need 3 actors.

Anthony

[I also just find this one funny because there is a video being made. Wish I could get my hands on a copy]

********************
From: Lorraine
Sent: Friday, February 27, 2009 1:43 PM
To: All Staff
Subject: Mandatory Training
Importance: High

Hey Staff:

[Blah blah blah - bunch of shit you don't care about here. I will include the last paragraph though because I want you to know that Lorraine's grammar and writing style is still atrocious. ]


Apologies for the last minute...but we have "no” choice.........Program Managers are expected to attend both days......so plan accordingly.......this is the "Last Hurrah" so to speak...It has been a two year process and everyone is focused on the finish line. We have to make sure that [the agency] crosses the finish line in tact...Is my message clear?

Lorraine

1st response to her email:

From: Yvonne
Sent: Friday, February 27, 2009 1:48 PM
Subject: RE: Mandatory Training

GOOOOOOOOO TEAM!!!!

Y

2nd response to her email:

From: Anthony
Sent: Fri 2/27/2009 2:59 PM
Subject: RE: Mandatory Training

SI SE PUEDE!

- Anthony

**************

From: Anthony
Sent: Sun 3/1/2009 2:26 PM
To: All Staff
Subject: Empowerment Services

Hello Staff,

Exciting times !

Isn't it interesting how the only constant usually is change? Hopefully change tends to be for better, right?

[I felt just that line was enough....]

****************

From: Anthony
Sent: Tue 3/17/2009 1:21 PM
To: All Staff
Subject: if you have 10 min off today

If you are able to take a 10 min brake [sic] today, I would strongly encourage you to take a quick walk around the block.

The weather is really nice: not too hot, not too cold. And it's refreshing.

Just thought I'd share my experience on going out to get lunch today.

It's also a reminder of the importance of pacing your work throughout the day and taking mental breaks to prevent burn out.


Happy Tuesday!

*******

I have worked pretty hard to not reveal my identity in this here blog, but at this point I just don't really care that much about transparency. I announced my resignation via email to all staff. I received several responses from the coworkers I like. Not one word from Lorraine or Anthony. I sure do appreciate that they will continue to disregard me, an employee of several years, until the very bitter end. They are consistent if nothing else.



Q.M.

New Policy

For real:

From: Yvonne
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2009 9:15 AM
To: All Staff
Subject: MOTIVATION MONDAY

All Staff,

If you remember, at the last All Staff meeting we decided that we are determined to create a positive and healthy working environment that will encourage life long learning. In line with this objective we created Motivating Mondays. A designated staff person will be responsible for a Motivational and/or Inspirational quote/thought/material, it can even be a life lesson learned in which to share with the rest of us here at [our agency]. This will help to get our creative juices flowing on Monday Mornings. Lorraine is designated for next Mondays quote, (well Tuesday due to the MLK Holiday).

A____ is kicking off our first Motivating Monday week. Here’s to a fabulous, positive, productive week!

Yvonne

Here's A____'s original email to Yvonne:

"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

That's my kick off quote, Bruce Lee is very cool.

-A____

Ratings

The following is taken from a new tool created by Lorraine's stellar management team. I'm guessing it is mainly Anthony's creation. Just a hunch....

The idea is that all supervisors will get this direct feedback from their employees and use it as a way to improve. It says that it is confidential and offers it to be anonymous, however the three people I know that have been forced to complete it were not allowed to be anonymous. In fact they had to sit down and go over their feedback point by point with their supervisors. It was not fun for any of them. The previous blog with Anthony's elaborate, yet repetitive table of responses was a result of this survey.

Anyway, enjoy. Hope this is a learning moment for all of you as you get to know these definitions that Anthony so carefully put together for us.

*****

This survey is a tool to evaluate your supervisor's performance as it relates to the supervisory role of his or her position. However, the most important aspect of this tool is for you to provide feedback to your supervisor. It really is feedback what gives people the opportunity to add perspective and growth. When answering this survey, please be as fair and specific as possible. The information that you provide is strictly confidential. A summary of the information collected will be provided to your supervisor. The last question on the survey will give you the option to submit your results anonymously. Thank you for participating.

Please rate your supervisor's POSITIVE THINKING. A supervisor is a positive thinker when he or she continuously displays thoughts, words, and images that are conductive to growth, expansion and success. A supervisor who is a positive thinker conducts him or herself with an attitude that expects good and favorable results.

Please rate your supervisor's GENUINE INTEREST in your ideas and your work. A supervisor shows genuine interest in you and your work when he or she actively listens to your comments and suggestions; expresses and addresses concerns appropriately and in a timely manner; is able to follow up on open items that relate to you and your work.

Please rate your supervisor's INITIATIVE. A supervisor with initiative is constantly looking for better ways to do things. He or she does not wait for someone else to take action. For example, when a supervisor with initiative sees an unsafe condition, he or she takes action to correct it before an accident occurs.

Please rate your supervisor in terms of LOYALTY. A supervisor is loyal when he or she acts in the best interest of [our agency] and its mission statement. A loyal supervisor seeks the best interest of his or her team's interests as they support [our agency's] mission.

Please rate your supervisor's DECISIVENESS. A supervisor is decisive when he or she is able to make a definite and sound decision in a timely fashion. Many times a 'go ahead' is all it takes to communicate a sound decision. A decisive supervisor does not stall, puts off, evades, or re-fuses to communicate a decision.

Please rate your supervisor's FAIRNESS. A supervisor is fair when he or she is impartial. Fair decisions consider all sides of the story equally. A fair supervisor considers all interests involved in the matter and pursues win-win outcomes for those affected by the decision.

Please rate your supervisor's TACT AND COURTESY. A supervisor demonstrates tact when information is presented in a positive and appropriate manner. A supervisor is courteous when he or she is considerate, thoughtful, and mindful about other people.

Please rate your supervisor's SINCERITY AND INTEGRITY. A supervisor demonstrates sincerity when he or she is not afraid to face the facts and communicates them honestly and directly. Consistency and dependability are valuable assets of integrity. A supervisor shows integrity when he or she exhibits a consistent, firm, and positive attitude that makes you feel like you can count on him or her.

Please rate your supervisor's TEACHING ABILITY. Teaching ability is a crucial trait of a good supervisor. Giving and explaining instructions adequately; delegating tasks; on-the-job instruction; and the ability to address a group to successfully transfer knowledge are characteristics of a supervisor with good teaching ability.

Please rate your supervisor's SELF-CONFIDENCE. Supervisors who have a quiet inner confidence, which is expressed in their confident manner, actions, and words are a good example of self-confidence. Self-confidence should be based upon your supervisor's knowledge of the job and belief of his or her own abilities. A supervisor who is self-confident also inspires your self-confidence and makes your feel empowered to perform.

*****

The survey asks you to rate each area according to a scale of 1-4, 1 meaning the supervisor does not possess that quality at all, and 4 meaning they undoubtedly possess that quality.

Not that I was asked, and not that either Lorraine or Anthony are my supervisor (thank Christ), but I'd have to give them all ones. And not just to be a bitch. All ones and I would not only mean it from the bottom of my heart, but I'd be able to back it up with examples for each quality. So there.

Greetings

It's been pretty Anthony heavy round here so here's some Lorraine cheer for you. I signed her birthday card the other day and peeped at what people were writing in there.

Paul signed it twice by accident. Yvonne signed it after she took her happy pills.

Paul #1: Happy B-day Lorraine! Do something special for yourself

Paul #2: Dear Lorraine, Here is to a birthday and New Year bringing all your dreams coming true.

(wha?)

Yvonne: Lorraine, No words can express the happiness, joy, hope, fun and excitement that I wish for you on your special day! You deserve ALL of it. Here's looking to another wonderful year lead by you. Happy Birthday

Randoms:

"Happy Birthday to a very bright, dynamic, and sassy take charge woman. Keep wearing those caps and hats, and please keep leading us on."

"Oh! To be 39 again. Happy Birthday."

"I would have guessed 29. Have a great bday"

Dynamic Communication

I told you there would be more this week. Anthony is the gift that keeps giving. To provide some context before showing you the prize that is his latest email, I'll tell you where this came from. The other day he came to me to run an idea by me. I want to state for the record, that in response to his idea of taking our clients shopping at Costco I was very supportive. I do actually think it's a good idea. My only remarks were that it would be a lot of work to get together in a short period of time and that I wanted to hear more about what other people thought of it. I also told him that I did not want to be responsible for the actual field trips to the store, or organizing of clients because I don't have the time right now. I did say that I would be very willing to help plan the logistics. So here's his email explaining his idea. Make sure you click on the chart link to get the full impact of his message.

From: Anthony
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 5:23 PM
To: Management

Subject: Food Banks

Hello _________,

You may be reading this message after your vacation. Welcome back!

So you may be aware that as a result of the current economic crisis food banks are having a really hard time providing food for people in need – specially during the holidays. There was a really interesting broadcast on this the other day on NPR.

So I was thinking about the impact that this situation may have on our client population, and I wanted to throw out the following brainstorming idea:

Our agency has a Costco card, which enables us to purchase products (food and otherwise) by bulk at a reduced price (due to large volume).

Our clients may 1. Not have the ability to purchase at costo, and 2. Need the large amounts of products that Costco sells.

So I was wondering if we could act as a facilitator for the bulk/communal purchasing of products at costco that may help clients in need for food who may not be able to access this help elsewhere.

I don’t know if this is something you would want to help facilitate, or if we can get a client to lead the process, or maybe our OT staff, a volunteer, I don’t know, I ran it by [Quietly Malcontent] and she didn’t sound super excited, but it may be something that falls under your guys’ realm, and that may be more beneficial for clients if we act quickly before the holidays.

The idea is (attempted to be) explained in the chart below:

- Clients gather and put a shopping list together, and come up with a budget.

- Our agency helps with the purchasing at costco

- Bulk items get spread apart and distributed in smaller quantities among clients participating

- That’s it.

Let me know what you think,

-Anthony

His chart

So yeah. This is another example of his dynamic communication that includes visual elements. It seems we should all expect charts, graphs, or tables with every email and meeting from here on out. It's the new way.

He has also taken it upon himself to use every interaction as a "teaching moment" (also a phrase he has been throwing around a lot lately). Without this email I would never have known we were in the middle of an economic crisis. I'm so grateful that because Anthony listens to public radio and keeps informed about things, that he can pass that information on to a peon like me who has absolutely no grasp on current events in my own country.

The other thing I learned, and again, I am so incredibly appreciative of this, is what Costco is all about. These last few years I've been hearing about it, and even going there sometimes, but I didn't get why people shop there. I mean, now with this concise definition of what Costco enables us to do and why it is sometimes cheaper, it has blown open so many doors for me. Someone I showed this email to said "I used to just go there for the free samples. But now I totally get it." I couldn't agree more! Teaching moment indeed.

And then there's the chart. I don't even know what to say about it. The word "nonsense" comes to mind. And.... that's about it. If you're going to sit around and play with Microsoft Paint, great, have fun, I like it too. But when you're trying to actually make something useful, that conveys a specific idea, you might want to think it through. What does this chart even mean?

Once again Anthony, you have just hit it out of the park with your total fucking absurdity. Keep it coming. We all love the laughs.

It didn't stop there though. Because that person he addressed in his email as not being "super excited" was ME! So naturally I was, again, annoyed at his shoddy way of calling someone out in a group email. And not only calling someone out, but being completely inaccurate! I mean, were we not in the same conversation together the day before he wrote this?

So I emailed him.

From: Q.M.
Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 11:43 AM
To: Anthony
Subject: RE: Food Banks

Anthony,

As I said yesterday, I think this is a great idea and I would be happy to help you plan the logistics of it. I'm a little bit confused and mildly insulted at your comment about me not being "super excited." I don't understand why you felt the need to make such a comment. I was only being honest with you about the fact that at this time, with about a million things to do before the end of this year, that I don't have the time or energy to actually take the clients out on a trip. I'm sorry if that did not translate correctly to you, but I do think your idea is good. Hopefully this clarifies my opinion on the matter.

Thanks.

So of course it can't just stop there. Like every other time anyone expresses annoyance or even just plain honesty to him he writes it off as a misunderstanding.

From: Anthony
Sent: Wednesday, December 03, 2008 12:04 PM
To: Q.M.
Subject: RE: Food Banks

I’m sorry my comment translated this way to you. We’re obviously reading it differently.

Since this situation relates to ‘e-mail’ communication, I rather talk about this in person to prevent further miscommunications, if you don’t mind.

I’ll come by your desk to see if you’re available when I have a quick breath.

Thanks,

- Anthony

So it's my fault that I took Anthony's shitty comment in a shitty way. How many times does he need to hear that he should work on his communication?! How many ways can it be said and by how many different people? So I tried to just ignore this email, because frankly, I just want to let it go. But now he's making me meet with him today to talk about this. I smell another blog right around the corner. I will keep you all posted.

This is a doozy

Friends,

It has been a wicked awesome week around here. Let me just tell you (and show you with visual elements!)

So we're doing this thing here now where we get to evaluate our supervisor. You basically fill out a survey and turn it in and your supervisor has to show it to their boss, and then also discuss the survey with you directly.

Guess who was recently evaluated?! Anthony! And guess what I have to show you?! His responses, neatly contained in a chart that he created in order to directly address some points that were made in the survey.

Page 1

Page 2

When you click on those, if they're too small, you should be able to click on the image and zoom in. I don't have a whole lot to add about these works of art. I just really really hope you enjoy reading them as much as I did!

Updates

Well it looks like we passed the audit. Last week after the auditors left we were forced to read another one of Anthony's "positive energy" charged emails. Here are just a few snippets of his email:

From: Anthony
Sent: Friday, November 07, 2008 2:48 PM
To: All Staff
Subject: SI SE PUDO!

To add some perspective,

Si se puede! = Yes, we can!

Si se pudo! = Yes, we did it!

You can only imagine the faces around the room: shy smiles, hopeful eyes, I guess we were all waiting the hear the ‘negative’ side of things after the positive things were presented. But… nothing really ‘negative’ ever came.

Team, We did it!

SI-SE-PUDO!

GO TEAM!

That guy never gets tired of his catch phrases.As you can see, I have not yet worked out how to rid ourselves of the Si Se Puedo curse.

You may be thinking, Q.M. what is your problem? What's the big deal? Shouldn't you be happy that your agency passed?

I want to be. I really do. But the problem is, many of us here were hoping we would get a slap on the wrist for our shit being out of order. We were hoping for some sort of wake up call or at least for Anthony and Lorraine and Yvonne (who magically disappeared for the last three months) to be called out on their complete lack of organization and oversight. BUT that didn't happen. And somehow we faked our way through. Or maybe we just got by on all the work that everyone else slaved away to get done for our management team to look good. Who knows?

So needless to say we have now entered yet another circle jerking and self congratulatory phase. I was in a meeting yesterday with Anthony, Lorraine, Paul, and Yvonne (who magically reappeared the day after the audit is done, no joke!). And it took all the restraint I could muster up in my body to not stab myself repeatedly in the eyes and ears. I just cannot bear to hear any of them speak anymore about how great everything is. How amazing! What a great team we are! How well we all work together! I really did expect at some point for Anthony to just bend over and start blowing Paul and then Lorraine and Yvonne to start making out with each other. Yes the thought of that makes bile rise to the back of my throat and I'm sorry I even painted that picture, but you must share my pain!

And onto the subject of Yvonne. Oh, that woman. I'm about to sound like a completely calloused bitch. I know it. But she returned on Monday after three months and for some unknown reason decided to tell me all the reasons why she was gone. She started spilling her guts about how messed up her life is and how it was affecting everything, including work, to which I replied "Hrm, really? I hadn't noticed." Then she said two or three times how bad she felt that she wasn't here to help with the audit. And then at that point I just really wanted her to get away from my desk. But I pretended I cared and that I wasn't totally judging her. I also pretended that I believed she was now going to be able to get back to work and start doing a good job. I'm an incredible actress.

But look people. I've given up. I think I am officially out of hope for this place. Writing this blog has helped me to process and has certainly taken the edge off things. But I have to admit, I was always thinking that, at some point, something would have to give and that things cannot possibly remain this absurdly bad. But recently, I think I've grown up a bit and realized that things often do stay this bad and there is nothing I can do about it. Yeah we're all happy Obama won, but don't forget W was in there for 8 freaking years! Who knows how long this evil reign of terror will last here?

I have no hope left for this agency. And I have no more energy to try to help. The Lorraines and Anthonys of this world may get what they deserve someday, but I no longer believe I'll be around to see it. I declare defeat.

But don't worry. I won't stop reporting from the front lines until I'm officially out of here. Just because I'm defeated doesn't mean I'm going to stop observing and reporting all the ridiculous goings on. I promise.

Anthony likes to throw around the word "amazing", constantly. It's one of his favorites. So to end this on a positive note, I will leave you with something that is truly amazing.

Until next time,

Q.M.