How To Sound Smart

Our CEO likes to sound smart. In fact, I'm convinced that if I went and snooped around her desk I'd find two things. A thesaurus and a book called "How To Sound Smart: A Guide to Fooling Everyone Around You By Throwing Around Big Words."

Of course, we all know, throwing around big words only achieves the exact opposite of that. That person just ends up sounding like Oswald Bates (if the link doesn't work, just search for "Oswald Bates" on YouTube).

Today I received an email from Lorraine. It contained this sentence:

"Anthony will call her to provide options and choices for ameliorating her concerns."

First of all, how is he going to do something I'm almost certain he doesn't know the definition of? Secondly, really? Did you really need to use that word? Someone has been doing the crossword and wants us all to know it.

So then it got me remembering some other gems in which Lorraine had so eloquently flaunted her vocabulary.

From: Lorraine

Subject: Operating From Home

Hey All:

The back is controlling my ambulation today....so I will be operating from home......no hesitations about calling me, please.....Many Thanks!

Seriously, ask yourself, is that how you would say it? What's so wrong with the word "movement"? I had to look it up to see if it was a real word. Why should people have to do extra work just to decipher your lousy one sentence email?! And frankly, I don't care if it's a real word. It's obnoxious to use it.

Sigh.

But then there was also this:

Our goal for this year is to enhance the visual experience as well as taking advantage of our collective intellectual talent..............Have I peeked your interest?????

To which I would have loved to respond - "It's piqued, bitch." I mean if you're gonna use the words then at least spell them right.

She's got a way with words. I won't argue that. Even when she tries to squeeze out something positive, it always ends up sounding twisted and insincere. It's.....it's quite a gift.

Just a quick but deeply felt thank you for your ears at the 1:pm meeting today. The road ahead, although challenging, is full of opportunities. I will be relying on your expertise to assist me in guiding our agency's future. This is a pretty extraordinary organization and with your continued support, we will become extra...extraordinary!!!!

If ideas,questions, thoughts come up, please do not hesitate to send them this way.......Ghandi said it best "We must be the change we wish to see!"

I hope someday I achieve extra-extraordinariness!!!!!!

I will start with my thesaurus and Bartlett's.