An Introduction

I work in an office. Recently it has become the most absurd, inept, and awful work environment I have ever witnessed. Slowly but surely things have begun to fall apart as turnover rises, bad decisions get made, and the power structure shifts so that there are now less people at the top, making all those bad decisions.

All that being said, despite how horrible it has become it has also become a joke. It's as if I'm trapped in a TV show and people say and do things here that I wish I could record for the world to see. If this place had an audience people would surely be laughing (and cringing).

I will give you a breakdown of characters and a brief history to set the stage. Please note all names have been changed to protect the ineffectual (and innocent).

Lorraine
CEO of non-profit serving people with disabilities. Hired onto the team to provide leadership and bring in money for the agency. Has raised zero dollars and increased turnover. She has an intimidating presence in the office, only made worse by her towering frame, gigantic bosoms, odd fashion style, tendency to give you the "crack eyes", and an array of hideous hat wear.
Likes: Safari hats (preferably from Disney's Kilimanjaro Safaris), 24 hour support bras, catch phrases, self help books, Pretty Woman, ringtones she can dance to, mumbo jumbo.
Dislikes: Wit, subtlety, listening to reason, integrity, people who question her.

Yvonne
Director of Human Resources. One would think the title speaks for itself. In fact, when most people think HR, they think organized, professional, detail oriented. Well think again suckers! Yvonne does it her way, which actually translates to not doing it at all. Behind that saccharine smile is someone who is very aware of the job they are not doing, but still getting paid to do it!
Likes: tissue box cozies (preferably handmade, in peach satin and lace), revealing shirts, not showing up for meetings, triple booking herself several times a day, ignoring emails, shirking responsibility
Dislikes: punctuality, preparation, being articulate, respecting other people's time and workload

Anthony
Formerly the IT guy, now apparently VP of Everything! Although it must be noted there is no P of anything. In one month, this man has gone from setting up people's emails to running the whole agency. Lapdog of Lorraine, he has now taken on running the agency's programs and supervising several people, without any experience in either. Possesses what might possibly the largest ego ever witnessed. Is most likely closeted and constantly wears clothes that are much too tight in all the wrong places.
Likes: Anthony, using the word "synergy" in every day conversation, positive attitudes, business school books, thinking outside the box, his own brilliant ideas.
Dislikes: people who aren't Anthony, opposition, clothes that fit, learning, listening, respecting years of hard work that was done before he was around.

Paul
Sometimes it's hard to say bad things about Paul, because really at the end of the day, he's quite harmless. But therein lies the problem. He's a vacant and genial sycophant. I don't know what else to say about him other than that. He's a friendly guy who produces absolutely nothing. His job is to help Lorraine raise money. So far all I've seen him do is laugh at Lorraine's jokes and cash his paychecks. I'm sure he's given her a foot rub here and there. He also holds a title that starts with VP, however, there is not one P in the entire agency.
Likes: smiling, nodding, smiling, nodding, smiling, nodding........
Dislikes: checking things off to do lists, the bigger picture, conviction, loyalty.

Okay, I'm all tapped out for today. Hopefully that sets the stage somewhat for people. Of course, over the course of the next few months as I paste actual emails (which I swear, I will not have to edit to make any funnier because truth is always stranger than fiction) and tell stories about day to day goings on you will start to know these people. You will start to see why I have chosen to vent my frustrations here or otherwise go insane. Hopefully it will boggle your mind as much as it does mine!

-QuietlyMalcontent